Do you feel like it’s the everyday issues that could put you right over the edge? These everyday issues have patterns, but patterns that are hard to see if you’re the one putting out the fires on a minute-to-minute basis. Coaching can help you to find those patterns and get to the root of why the everyday business of life is stressful instead of joyful.

The following is a set of questions that I have received from parents about issues they face in raising children. If you have any questions, feel free to email me. I would be happy to answer.

Q: How do I know when to say “no”—
and how to back it up so my kids will listen?

Children are very good at begging for—and getting—one more chance. It seems they can dissolve into tears or tell you they hate you at the drop of a hat. They’re champions at making you feel like you’re the worst, most uncaring parent in the world if you don’t understand how this particular decision you’re making will ruin their lives forever. And do you know why they can do this? It’s because they really, truly believe it. They absolutely believe that if they don’t get that drink of water after lights-out, if they have to get in the car before their show is over, or if they can’t go to that certain party or have that new piece of clothing, their life will actually be changed in some very real way. It’s our job as parents to teach them the difference between “I want…” and “I need...,” between immediate gratification and long-term fulfillment, and between being disappointed and being damaged forever.

Coaching can help you figure out how to decide when to say “no,” how to stick with it when the begging begins, and how to teach your children how to handle the disappointment of not getting what they want at that moment.

Q: As a single parent, how do I make sure my children are getting what they need to grow up right while balancing work and parenting?

Single-parenting is tough. There are many issues faced by single parents that are never issues for people who have someone to share the responsibilities.

A single parent has the same number of chores and the same amount of parenting “coverage” to divide, but has to accomplish these alone.

A single parent makes decisions alone and often feels the pressure to do as much as any couple does in their parenting. Sometimes a single parent will feel the need to do even more to make up for the fact that there isn’t another parent there.

Single parents need to have a life outside of their parenting. Whether this is a special partner, a group of friends, a sport you love, volunteer work that fulfills you, or all of these, it’s hard to allow time or energy for these important aspects of life. These things make you a happier and more complete adult. They are part of what you bring to your parenting, and without them your parenting can’t be as rich. Further, it’s important for your child to see that you take care of yourself, and to know that life can be rich and multifaceted. The best way to teach this is to live it!

If you’re a single parent, coaching can help you to figure out how to manage all of this without feeling as drained. Coaching can help you set your priorities, do the kind of parenting that matches these priorities, and figure out where you can delegate tasks or even just let some things not get done.

Q: How do I help my children deal with my recent divorce?

Divorce is a unique time in the lifecycle of a family. One family must become two, often in the midst of terribly hurt feelings. Everyone in the family is worried about how this new life will work. Parents have to figure out how to talk with their children about difficult and painful issues, and children may respond by becoming sad, angry, difficult, or clingy—or all of these at different times.  

Parenting through a divorce can test the resolve of the best parents—and yet this test comes at just the time when parents may not feel all that strong. New parenting skills are needed and this is just the right time to have someone to coach you on how to comfort and nurture your children and yourself, how to talk with them about your situation, how to set up family rules and boundaries that work for your new situation, and how to deal with your ex-partner.